Guster once again has become the soundtrack to my summer. And as I am thinking heavily about the future and what that looks like for me, it just seems appropriate to post a bit of where I am at on here…
I never know how to start what I want to say because it seems too interconnected to everything else, that there never seems to be an appropriate starting point.
Well, in 2 weeks I will move into my apartment with some of my closest friends from college. We will get organized, reconnect, make some food in our little kitchen, and celebrate this unknown dive into our last big adventure as students at our university. It is terrifying more often than not, to look out past May and realize the consistent schedule that has held for the past 16 years will be broken, and a new schedule where i will live for the weekends and the intermittent but rare time off will begin… until who knows? I take my final breath? No more summers where I rotate through random jobs and meet new people, and get a bit to relax. I finally have the opportunity to seek out to do day in day out that which I have been preparing myself for for the past 16 years:
Now that it’s here it’s a lot foggier as to what that is exactly.
To live. That is what I do want to do. Not taking any year or opportunity for granted, but that is easier said than done, and monotony whether in school or the realm beyond, still strikes, and maybe that isn’t always a bad thing?
I look at my job options. As an artist they seem limited to my actual skill set if I do intend to pursue the art world. I am a studio artist, drawing, painting, and printmaking. So where do I begin? How do I even dive when I can’t see the water pool to dive into? I guess I have a year to find this pool, and to jump in and hope that God grants floaties… because I am not sure how to swim out there yet. Maybe it is all a lot more intimidating now than it will be in May… I hope so, but I think the thing even besides jobs that actually saddens me is this: My friends who I am so close to and love so much, will suddenly scatter across not merely the continent but the globe, and once again I will have to let go of my community to find a new one in the flesh. Long distance friendship works, but it will be sad to see the end of living together and doing life together, draw as closely as it has. Already friends are marrying and moving away ready to start their husband-wife journey, and it again is a bit mystifying to figure out how I will fit into this giant web.
As much as I probably sound terrified, and sad, I am still excited and know the time is right and that GOD is so faithful and will not let me lose all of my friendships, and that he will provide direction and job opportunities in his own time. So I guess this is the perfect time to learn how to really embrace and enjoy the present and let the future come as it may.
But for now I will seek him here and now… and enjoy what is today.