Vulnerability is something that has been on my mind a lot. Even as I write there is a girl crying, beautiful in her vulnerability, and also as I write I am recovering and processing an incredible weekend of vulnerability and brokenness.
There is an annual conference that takes place on my campus that brings students from around the country into our dorms and academic buildings for a weekend of spiritual reflection and renewal. They ask for students from campus to apply for small group leader positions and I applied this year with my friend and he and I were so hit by God and the brokenness and the beauty of honesty and vulnerability.
God really humbled me and I was reminded about how much of a mess I am, and yet I was able to celebrate that because – even in my mess God has not forgotten me or rejected me- instead I have found that that place- that place of repentance and borkenness is where God loves to meet me. He can use our weaknesses to demonstrate his glory!
On that weekend I saw God personally remind me of his love for me, I saw Jesus use another one of his children to express his love to a hurting son, I saw Jesus speak through my co-leader and remind a daughter of God’s delight in her, and I saw another son and daughter catch a glimpse of God’s glory and his love for them too.
After one of our sessions with our group I cried for a good hour or more- out of hurt, joy, and just because I was overwhelmed too.
So now even a week later after projects have come and gone and I am still finiding myself dwelling and processing everything. And in the midst of this intense blurr of ‘end of the year’ busyness I find myself hardening and forgetting all of the lessons God has been teaching me.
I guess as I process all of this I realize that that is one thing that lacks in most communities: vulnerability, expression of hurt, and the freedom for confession. I am reminded that it is so easy to keep this mess hidden. To look like you have it all together- to keep everyone at a certain distance. So how do we break into our own hearts and become bare souled beings? I guess it is only through the grace of God when he unlocks our hearts, but I think a lot of it has to depend on our trust in his unconditional love and the placing of God’s love in our lives as a higher value than the love of man. I am praying for more vulnerability in my life, and in the lives of those around me. So that we are free to encourage and love one another unconditionally.
True love cannot take place until we see the good, bad, and the ugly and can love in spite of those things. I want to see growth and freedom take place- healing to take place!
This is part of the reason why I wanted to write this down: I don’t want to forget what God is doing or the lessons he is teaching.
I also wanted to celebrate it with you! 🙂
GOD IS DOING SUCH COOL THINGS!
🙂 well I guess that is the blurp of thoughts for now- as well as a vague brief update as to what is up in my life! 🙂