I am trying to figure out how to put into words what all I am processing, and I can’t seem to do it.
I have created so many drafts for this blog that I cannot finish… though all worthy thoughts, I just cannot spit the words out. I need metaphor, symbolism, and I am never satisfied with what I come up with. I think part of my writers block (if you will) is that I have so much going on in my head that I have difficulty focousing in on one, and processing it.
I am working 9 hours a day… sometimes it is unofficially more because I drive my mom to work, making my day 12 hours this Tuesday. 7-7. oof. I don’t know how I manage to cram so much into my life. It probably isn’t sane. Anyway, I am enjoying my two jobs, and my side occupations, although time consuming it has been a wonderful learning experience. I am dabbeling in everything from developmentally dissabled adults, to business, to the music industry (writing reviews), to helping out with my church’s youth group, and painting!!
In all of this, I find I have ironically become much more laid back. I am still very driven to be active and to follow through with things- to deliver, but I am less worried about the picky things, and my demeanor has calmed a lot. I have been studying prayer, looking at the formulas to the just honest ‘GOD why are you letting this happen’, to simply resting in silence knowing GOD is there. I have been learning to find peace in the financial chaos, and rest in the unknown of life after college. I am finally starting to really enjoy the present.
I need sleep now. So I am going to rest and write more later 😀